You thought a lumberjack could beat a dinosaur.
You think quiche is spelled keesh.
I realized that no matter how many plant names you knew, I deserved someone who appreciated me.
You could not carry a conversation to save your life, even about trombone players. You knew nothing of trombone players or famous trombone music, and you were a trombonist. I can’t even fathom what was occupying that space in your brain.
When I asked what political party you belonged to you said “Catholic”
You bought a newsboy cap and wore it every single day. I stole it and threw it away, and then you bought a new one.
we broke up because you were going to couple’s therapy with your ex-girlfriend while we were together.
We broke up because you don’t know how to swim. My parents have a lake house.
We broke up because you loved too much. You loved two, much.
he said the prime of our relationship was when he was on acutane; now he has a nice face and wants to meet other people
You would go weeks without showering, but nobody really needs to do that if they NEVER LEAVE THEIR BEDROOM.
We broke up because you were an incredibly sore loser. Seriously, who throws a controller across the room because they got beat at Katamari Damacy??
We broke up because I found someone who was exactly the opposite of you…and I realized I liked that so much more than I ever loved you.
He thought calling me “fatty” was a delightful nick-name
He had a dolphin tattoo on his shoulder.